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4 reasons for frequent conflicts with your mother-in-law

4 reasons for frequent conflicts with your mother-in-law

Are you one of those people who get along well with their in-laws? So you are very lucky. For anyone who has problems from time to time, especially with their (future) mother-in-law, be aware: there are several possible reasons why your relationship with your partner’s mother is not as good as you are. would like.

The following 4 reasons can be at the origin of frequent conflicts between a woman and the mother of her partner.

1. The resemblance

One reason could be that you and your mother-in-law are just too similar in character. It is even very probable, because a study of the dating site “eHarmony” showed that approximately 64% of men look for partners who are similar in character to their own mother. In this case, conflicts can arise, especially with dominant people. Do you see your mother-in-law as overprotective? This may be because it is preventing you from taking care of your partner. A question you can also ask yourself, for example, is: Would your mother-in-law’s stubbornness upset you less if you were more accommodating yourself?

advice : Your partner obviously likes similar things about both of you, so turn those similarities into an advantage! Instead of creating more conflict, look for the similarity and use it to overcome your conflicts.

Mother in law

2. Substitute partner

According to Professor Peter Kaiser of the University of Vechta, the relationship with the mother-in-law is especially difficult if the partner has a very good relationship with his mother. Especially “if the son can even be a kind of partner substitute because the parental couple relationship leaves a lot to be desired”. This almost automatically results in competition for the time and attention of the partner or son.

advice : Talk openly with your partner about the situation and what they can do to make sure that neither you nor your mother-in-law feel neglected.


3. Competition

But competition isn’t just because of the need for attention. Better Appearance or Achievement: When mother-in-law and daughter-in-law compare to each other, an unhealthy dynamic often develops. “If the young woman has a lower level of education or is not yet sure of her career path, this can lead to a feeling of insecurity,” explains Professor Kaiser.

advice : Although it’s difficult in many cases, Professor Kaiser believes that you should move beyond the idea of ​​trying to please your in-laws. “It is also part of your emancipation,” he explains.


4. Different origins

Conflicts are just as common, according to Professor Kaiser, when the family origins of the partners are very different, for example when a child of divorcees meets a family that has remained intact. There is often a lack of understanding on both sides.

advice : it is important to try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. According to Professor Kaiser: “There shouldn’t be a problem in a family if there are different opinions and points of view. You have to let others have their idiosyncrasies and not try to change them.”


It is sometimes more difficult than expected to implement these tips. First of all, it is important to find the source of the conflicts with your mother-in-law, and this article can help you with that.

You can find more articles on conflict and in-laws here:

Sources: brigitte, spiegel

Cover image: © Flickr / Ref54

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